Busy for what?

my look at last October

"I'm busy for nothingness"
This is how I felt when I finished packing up the package sending to cloud180, my web-friend.
I was suddenly strucked down by helplessness....maybe my sis's words is a nice push, i can't help but feeling sad.

My family is too kind to me. For a girl this old but has no job at hand, they've been their best to treat me nice. I know I have nothing to complaint. I AM trying to find a job, every second, I'm thinking, I'm looking over webs.

How could I let myself be like this anyway? After graduation, I thought there's lots for me to do. I was so tempting to accomplish all those beautiful plans. But the truth is, I was stuck by all other busyness.

My old bro's wedding is coming up next weekend. I'm asked to take resposibilities of many stuffs. And out of surprise, my daddy starts to give a try to outside world. He is a typical "Otaku" in my mind, never went out to make friends in his age, etc. Ever since his car accident, he joined a singing club near my place, and then everything started to change. He was possitively influenced by his friends at the club. HE asked me to buy him a bycicle!! XD A good bike that he could gp bycicliing sometimes. Then he asked a brand new MP3, for he needs music all the way during the bike-journey... So now I'm my dad's official DJ *laughs*, I catches songs from web every time he wants some good songs he heard during his "bike journeys". Ahaha

Things like this starts to occupy my life, esp as the coming of my bro's wedding. When I think up, I realize that I haven't have time to buid up my "Secret Forest", and I get lost in touch with my beloved Clerithy world for a long long time. Gosh it's really a shame. And whut about my plan of taking the liscence of JP language learner? *lows my head*


What is the focus of my life now?..... Where is the passion to Jecko, the drummer of a punk band, now? I drawn myself in family busyness, I laughed, I got tempted, I listened to music, I used words, I read......but deep down I can not ignore this huge emptiness.

I need something, someone to hold me back. Some strength. I need to find it out myself.

Pic1: Chibica in last Oct. at my Uni.
Pic2: Recent look of Chibs

題目 : 日常生活
部落格分类 : 日記心得